i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
