It's like God shit irony all over that family
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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