Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
