Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
