My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
try to milk me bitch
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
