Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
