Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
