I wannas sexs uuuuu
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
