I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
