somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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