Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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