This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
