see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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