woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
