Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
