I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
