you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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