Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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