hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
