Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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