u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
