You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
