Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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