She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
handjob tips. give me some.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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