HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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