I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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