Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
