Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont even know how to be here
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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