I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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