Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
