I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
