dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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