Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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