I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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