fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
