i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
