yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i drank out of a bidet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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