it was like his penis was on wheels.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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