A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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