I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What a dumb baby whore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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