I want to stick my p in your. b.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
