so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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