you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
