I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
