3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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