the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
