It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
