I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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