thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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