Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
