naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
