How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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