This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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