Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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